Now that the Olympics are over and we are no longer the centre of the universe (although we've always been pretty bloody close to it) it's time to get back to normal so:
1) You can stop smiling now.
2) Same goes for being nice to everyone.
3) People looking confused or lost whilst holding maps can be ignored as per usual.
4) People with foreign accents can be made fun of.
5) People wearing big ID badges around their necks should be told they look like dicks.
6) Same goes for wearing the official SOCOG volunteer gear. It's finished, get over it.
7) Sydney 2000 T-shirts that sold at the Olympic Park Megastore for $60 last Friday are now being sold at Paddys Market at 3 for $10.
8) Chants of "Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi" will not be tolerated.
Police have sanctioned the use of violence against anyone who does. Expect to hear the frequent sound of Police gunfire over the next week or two as those who have forgotten the Olympics are over are subtly reminded.
9) Expect to hear the frequent sound of Police gunfire again anyway.
10) Wearing a tracksuit emblazoned with the name of some forgotten tinpot ex-Soviet Union dictatorship will no longer give you preferential entry into the best clubs in town. (Though I do have a few Krygystan ones still for sale at $14.95 for both shirt & pants, purely for novelty value of course.)11) You don't have to watch Archery, Shooting, Greco-Roman Wrestling, Equestrian, Synchronised Swimming, Badminton, Hockey, Sailing, Tai Kwan Do etc etc ever again (at the very least not for another four years anyway (though I'm sure the Greco-Roman wrestling will always go down well with the local denizens in Oxford St in one form or another.)12) Stop engaging in idle banter and chit-chat with complete strangers on the trains and get back to the old routine of staring out the window, at the floor or into your newspaper.
13) Trains will again start derailing and City Rail staff can go back to being their normal surly selves. "Mind your step Ladies and Gentlemen" will be replaced by the familiar refrain of "The 5:28 to Berowra is delayed by 45 minutes and will now not be stopping at this station. Cityrail apologises for any inconvenience but realises as you have no real alternatives you'll just have to put up with it. Ha ha ha ha ha . . . "14) Ditto for the planes and the buses15) All homeless people who were trucked out to "hospitality camps" will start reappearing in the inner city now that all the TV cameras have gone and Frank Sartor and Bob Carr admit to everyone "Yes, of course we were only hiding them while the Olympics were on. Whaddaya bloody think?!?!"
16) All new street plants will not be replaced.
17) There will be public hangings of anybody found wearing the following:a) Australian flag capsb) Australian flag hatsc) Australian flag T-shirtsd) Australian flag face maskse) Australian flag flags18) No one will use the Superdome, the Hockey stadium, the Baseball stadium, the Equestrian centre or the Archery & Shooting ranges ever again.
19) You'll never feel as unselfconscious singing the national anthem or Waltzing Matilda in a full subway car with complete strangers ever again.
20) Any one attempting humour with an abysmal list of offal such as the above one will not even get to choose which testicle is removed.