Shark Tank

FRAMINGHAM (02/11/2000) - THIS PILOT FISH is proud of the big paperless-office initiative, she really is. Users automated 20,000 documents in 1999. Now almost all authorizations are handled electronically. With one notable exception: "All changes to the online system must be requested to the MIS manager," she says.

"On paper. They're the only paper-based authorization forms left."

SOME UNPACKING REQUIRED Consultant builds and delivers Web-based system for a client that's, well, none too sharp. A month later, the office relocates.

Consultant boxes up the system on the morning of the move and leaves "explicit details on setting it up at their new location," he says. Postmove, the system manager calls: They can't access the system. "I asked if it looked like the system was getting power. After a few minutes, the system manager exclaimed, ‘I think the machine is turned off in the box.'"TURKEY SUPPLY NOT THE PROBLEM November. ERP project hits crunch time. Boss tells the staff that to meet the year-end deadline will take 60-hour weeks, including every weekend. No Thanksgiving off. But that's no problem at all, says the boss: She "likes to cook and [will] make a turkey for us," a pilot fish reports. Uh-huh. Must have been just like celebrating at Grandma's.

Y2K-PLUS-SIX-WEEKS and counting: One pilot fish reports a search for e-commerce pages on the U.S. Commerce Department Web site turns up several dated 1899.

Another pilot fish says if you want to buy a telephone from AT&T's online store (telephones.att.com/store), be prepared for pages that claim to be from 19100.

KNOW THE CODE A want ad for a systems analyst in Atlanta, along with the usual knowledge of TCP/IP, Novell and Windows, requires "ability to lift a minimum of 25 lb. [and] stand, sit and view small print for extended periods." Maybe they're just trying to avoid applicants with disabilities, but one pilot fish thinks it translates like this: "Get your Radio Flyer wagon! Haul those mainframe printouts! Read that six-point type!"

Sharky has squinted at enough green-bar to last a lifetime, but he wouldn't mind seeing one more page if you're dishing dirt about a boss or vendor: sharky@computerworld.com. Print out the daily report: computerworld.com/sharky.

If it gets published, you get a Shark shirt.

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