I suspect that most people will reject this theory because nobody likes eavesdropping. But my detractors will have to explain why people leave their quiet homes to actively seek out places where everyone is talking -- restaurants, bars, coffee houses, etc. -- then complain when someone is having a phone conversation.
My "general theory of relative cell-phone irritation" also explains why people yammer away in public oblivious to the irritation they're causing. To people on the phone, it's just a conversation. It doesn't "feel" rude, because the talker hears both sides. Other people's public cell-phone calls feel loud and rude, but our own calls don't.
Based on this theory, I'd like to propose a small set of simple rules of etiquette for using cell phones in public:
- Never subject anyone to half a conversation. If they can't hear the whole conversation, they shouldn't be forced to hear half of it. If your half of the conversation won't be heard (the room is noisy or you speak quietly), then it's OK to talk in public.
- Treat cell-phone calls and text messages like cigarettes. If your phone rings while you're talking with someone, ask the other people the cell phone equivalent of, "Mind if I smoke?" If you think it might bother someone, take the call outside.
- Treat texting like reading a magazine. You wouldn't start reading a magazine in the middle of a one-on-one conversation. To pull your attention away from a person you're talking with to chat with someone else via SMS is usually rude. Either involve the person in all aspects of the chat, telling them what is being said, or respond later.
- Never let 'em hear your ring tone. Set your phone to vibrate only, or vibrate before ringing. Nobody wants to hear your annoying ring tone.
- Follow the "When in Rome" rule. Ignore the above four rules when the situation allows. For example, in a Midtown Manhattan Starbucks or a Silicon Valley Peet's, toss these rules out the window and do as you please (like the "Romans" do). But whenever in doubt, err on the side of politeness.
Mike Elgan writes about technology and global tech culture. Contact Elgan at mike.elgan@elgan.com or his blog, The Raw Feed.